I look at my crush and the girl he’s currently dating (no bitter feelings) and wonder what they talk about. I often see them, observe them, and every time, I see them chattering to each other.
On the other hand, when I have conversations with my crush, they’re free-flowing and easy for the first three minutes then my brain starts to tense and jumble up, as if the little personnel operating it are cramming to find related statements or questions to keep the talk going. After a few moments of trying (more like struggling), I simply let out a – hehe – a chuckle followed by the most dreaded moment of silence. The dead air.
Sometimes, I hardly, awkwardly succeed in keeping the conversation going for another minute or two by asking silly questions. I know they’re silly because they only yield 3 to 5-word responses, then I’m knocked out.
So, I wonder. What do they talk about? How can can they keep the conversation going? How can she keep the conversation going?
Should I really wonder and worry about this?
Sometimes, when we like a person, we work hard to have conversations, get to know them and share common interests. It’s our chance of getting to know each other. It’s our chance of building that connection and making it special.
But what if we fail? Does it mean we did not try hard or we’re not good enough?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
I know the feelings of pressure and insecurity brought about by that dead air. It’s a bit embarrassing. But maybe, after you’ve tried a good number of times, he’s just not the best person to try out for.
I remember this old crush I had who is a very good friend now. We got along well at the very start. He was not a talker, in the sense that he was not used to talking about himself, but we kept long conversations going because he listened and responded to all the things I shared and he willingly shared, too, when I asked about him. It was great.
I guess it’s a matter of matching wavelengths and being mutually interested about each other. Communication is a two-way street. If one is not interested, then the conversation will simply not last long.
Sometimes, there’s also that person with whom dead air is not so scary. Just being close to him is enough and neither of you is required to talk. You’ll know–feel–when you’re with this kind of person.
I am still curious about what they talk about, and still feel tense when I talk to my crush. But I know that if the conversation is not going between us, there’s nothing wrong with me.
Conversations will last and dead air will not be so dreadful with the right person.
Daybook by Rei 