I have since scrapped the idea of soul searching because, I have come to realize, my soul is never really lost. It is simply yearning. My soul desires to be out there, to be everywhere, to be in places where it can wander and be free.
Above everything, it seeks to be free. My soul is me.
It is crazy because there are times I cannot accept the seemingly make-believe concept of freedom, and yet I am also fascinated by the great extent you can actually set yourself free.
I cannot accept the seemingly make-believe concept of freedom
When I feel down and heavily burdened by the world, I feel so trapped that I cannot imagine the possibility of actually breaking free from this world. This little globe in the vast, vast universe that I am unable to escape. My scope is pretty much limited to this little spherical world surrounded by millions of other worlds and gazillions of stars that are impossible for me to reach. And then, all the circumstances further limit my earthly “freedom”—laws and norms to abide by, the costs of living, the complex society and the sub-societies…
And yet, I am fascinated by the great extent that you can actually set yourself free
And yet—between the interwoven fibers of all the mundane limitations that veil my perception of the world, there are little holes I can poke into. Just like ripping a shirt, it is easy once you’ve disrupted the weave—then you break free from the veil.
Relative to the universe, the earth is indeed extremely minute, but once I open up and see things through my always hopeful heart and insatiable soul, past the blanket I see the endless realm of possibilities to meet freedom in this world.
My soul is insatiable.
What is freedom? I do not know—the answer has not reached my lips. If I am unable to get out of the four walls of my office, would you say that I am not free? If I am unable to afford a cruise around the world, would you say that I am not free?
Freedom, for me, has different meanings. And giving it meaning is not a mundane task. It is the job of our soul, our heart—or both together—to give a definition to freedom. And when you have come to understand and see and feel how your soul defines freedom, then I think that it is the time you can genuinely feel free.
Freedom is what my soul always seeks, and I simply chase after it. I do not believe that freedom is absolute and ultimate. It cannot be found in only one place. Just like love and happiness, freedom is also a pursuit. It is in different places and in different people. If you seek only absolute freedom, then you will never be free.
Freedom is what my soul always seeks, and I simply chase after it.
That is why I travel. That is why I get out whenever I can. And that is also why I lock myself in my room. I can find freedom within me and without. Far, far without.
I feel freedom in solitude and anonymity and newness. I feel free when I am on my own, when I am away from the town and the people I know. I feel free when I can open my journal, scatter my pens on a coffee table, and write words and illustrations without restraint. I feel free when I talk to a stranger, a new person.
The pursuit of freedom is itself liberating and refreshing. Freedom is both the destination and the journey for my soul.
This blog was supposed to be about my trip to Taiwan, but funny enough my mind went wild again and these musings came out instead.